Goodbye, KongKong...

It took me a long time before mentioning about Yee didn't hurt, and now, calling KongKong sting my eyes with tears and delivers a stab in my heart.

We received a call from Aunt Aileng around 5am, telling us that she got a call from the hospital, asking us to rush down as Grandpa is at his last. I don't know how I bruhed my teeth, and did away with washing my face, and threw on any plain looking clothes, and we rushed our way to the hospital, hoping to bid him farewell for the last time.

When we reached the hospital, I already had a bad feeling, and as we were about to enter the ward, the nurse's expression already told me something. Once we saw KongKong's face drained of blood and tucked in neatly, lying still, we knew the answer. But poor Grandma still wasn't aware that Grandpa had left cuz the non-chinese nurses couldn't communicate with her. She sat there crying alone as she reached the hospital first, asking us to call Grandpa to get him to wake up, thinking he was still alive. But Grandpa couldn't hold on any longer, he was too much in pain, and had to go before we and Uncle Boon arrived. He left quietly at 0458 hours, and I really really hope he wasn't in too much pain when he left. His body was still warm when we rushed down within the hour of the call. KongKong...

On one hand, I knew this was a relief for him, free of all pain and illnesses and meeting his mother-in-law and daughter in heaven, looking upon us. On the other hand, I'm missing him terribly already. I held in my tears all day, not wanting to affect Grandma with my grief. She's sad enough, having to cope another death of her loved one within the same year. She hasn't even gotten over Aunt AiAi yet, and KongKong can't accompany her anymore.

When we went home with Grandma while the body was being cleaned and embalmed at the casket, I almost thought I saw KongKong coming out from the shower. And then I knocked myself out of it, reminding myself that KongKong has left. I couldn't help but walked into KongKong's room, looking at the things he left behind. Every single thing in its own special place reminded me of him. And the tears came again. I miss him so much... so much... But the whole family was there, leaving for the casket, and I swallowed the tears again, wiping off the stains on my cheeks and avoided any eye contact. I just couldn't help it. Then the busy day extended from there. We were kept busy all the time that there was hardly time to quieten down and grieve silently on my own. My appetite was lost until my stomach grumbled to notify its emptiness with only gastric juices. But my brains weren't emitting signs to start an appetite, it was just lost with our lost.

KongKong is dressed smartly, neatly, and nicely in a gentlemanly suit, just as he would like it. He had always been especially particular about his cleanliness and neatness. And we took extra care that he was dressed in his best suit for his last. Mum, JingYu, Dad, and I rushed around to look for a presentable shirt to match his coat as the shirts he owned were quite old already. The shirt is Mum's final present to him.

December 13, both his birth date and death date. Being a traditional person, he disliked the number 13, and doesn't like celebrating his birthday on the 13th and instead celebrates according to his birthday on the lunar calendar. Borned in 1925 (according to the birth certificate) and passed away in 2008, having lived for 83 years, bringing us countless precious memories and love.

The wake will last for five days, so that Uncle Boon would have enough time to bid his father farewell and accompany him on the last journey. If there is anything I can do now for KongKong, it is to take extra care of Grandma. This, we've been doing, and will do so more often. I hope the other relatives would drop by to visit her more often too. Like I mentioned yesterday, you might not enjoy their accompany, but they would definitely appreciate yours. If the workers from the church can do so to show their concern, why can't we, as family members, make the extra effort to care more for our grandmother who loves us with all her heart and kindly given us so much unconditional love? After all, it is only right to do so. Because she deserves the care and concern, and should be showered with more to fill up KongKong's now empty space.

Sigh... well, at least my conscience is clear, as we accompanied KongKong the entire day and almost entire night yesterday, being with him since 2pm to 10:30pm. I had a weird feeling, and messaged many to ask if they were coming to visit, but most were busy with other things in their lifes. I guess it can't be helped. At least he wasn't alone the entire day, many concerned relatives made an effort to make a trip down, even if it was just for a while. I'm sure KongKong appreciated that although he couldn't show it.

And so, this is what they call, "they more you experience in life, the more you'll learn to let go of things you once held so tightly and thought so highly of." As time goes by, our journey of learning never stops, just like the journey of life.

I will always miss you so badly, KongKong. So badly. The way you call me "Ah Pui Jie" or "Zhu Zai Ching" even though I hated the nicknames cuz they were pointed at my size, it was an exception that I couldn't get angry about cuz I knew your teasing isn't meant as hurt but out of pure love. How you called JingYu "JinYu JinGai Curry Gai." And even how you like to beat JingYu's butt when we drop by for dinner every Saturday when we head home. There are so many things that will remind us of your presence in our lifes...

I'll let time heal the wound, but the vivid memories will never ever fade...

I love you forever, KongKong.

Goodbye...