Rainbows after the rain....

I was affected, very affected...

It was a casual remark, an all normal kind of remark which just slipped the mouth, but it didnt seem so to me. I dont mind a lot of things, i'm not really picky about food, drinks, things. Ok, mayb that's why i'm in this terrible state now.

The things i am truely tired of hearing all these years, is people either come around and pat my arm going,"Ching ah...aiyo...haehaehae..." Squeezing my arm as though i have no feelings, excuse me? There might be a thick layer of fats around my veins, but that doesnt mean my nerves are not sensitive. Do they actually think i feel good? That i like being the way i am now? That i'm not trying to loss any weight? Like my feelings doesnt matter? Like i dont have the right to be the way i am? Like all fat people like me are borned to be laughed at or condemned by others? No, definitely not. We have our human rights to. What right do toher skinny people have to condemn us? None! Being slim doesnt mean being great. So what if you've a great shape? Just more brainless creatures around. Satisfied? Shallow.

If any sober soul notices, the most friendly people one would approach when for example, lost their way and wana ask for directions, i would always be the target. This is all because of the perception of people thinking huge sized people are better mannered.

Most extra-sized people are introverts. You ask why? Think about it yourself. You'll know why. When an extra-sized me walks pass, would you take a second look and tell yourself not to be like that or laugh at the person. Come on, dont lie to yourself, you know how you feel. Seldom would people understand how we feel. Or do they even bother to think about how we feel. I seriously dont think so. Remember, humans are selfish. They do whatever they like. Others' feeling? "Not my business what?!" The society has caused this. No doubt.

I know, not all people are that skeptical, not all are that bad at judging people, not all are those empty vessles who judges solely by looks. I'm trying to deceive myself, yes, i am. Anyway, i am greatly comforted to know i have a bunch of true best friends who dont mind how i look in this size. I love you people, V3. And to those who dont mind too, big hugz to you. I've always thought only my friends who understand me to the dot are my best friends.

I hereby announce to the whole world that V3(comprising of ah ma, mum and sis)would be my bestest freinds all my life. You people are not allowed to walk out of my life, even if my soul has drifted away. Agree? Please sign contract:__Huimin__, __Cheryl__, __Ching__,__XueQing__. I officially announce contract is now legally binded with all terms and conditions communicated and agreed upon. ;) ChEeRs!!~

I really appreciate that my frens dont give me stupid senseless nicknames that indicate my size. I dont know about when i'm not around, i dont care, just as long these doesnt come to my ears. I believe true friends know what i want, and how i would feel on certain matters.

Frankness hides in my dictionary. It only comes out at appropriate times. I prefer to be deceived at times. I've friends who are always so frank, i cant be like that. It is certainly a no-no in my life. I cant bring myself to say the truth sometimes. I would only say the truth if a lie would hurt the person more, or the truth would only do good. Frankly, i tend to try not to think too much of the comments from utterly frank people. I know, some might mean no harm, but surely sentences could be structured in better ways,there are surely better alternatives to crafting what you're gonna say right? Won't the words go through your brains for the decision-making process where your brain decides whether these words are suitable to be published? Comments about imcompetency is alright, that i readily accept. If a better idea is presented, it is definitely the better choice. This i really dont mind. [Declaring that i'm not pointting fingers k..dun read too much into it..)

The world is already a reality. So why not escape from reality whenever possible? Ignorance is bliss, how true...

i've been telling people off for harping on how huge i am whenever there are family gatherings. Even my grandparents, whom i respect and love dearly. Even if the person is someone respectable, i would either stop the person, or simply walk away. When my dad's mum(grandmaother) keeps asking me to eat less of this and that every week, i got terribly sick of it. It is basic knowledge, any idiot knows that exercising more with a balanced diet would lose weight. I'm not retarded ok? I remember there was this evening, where we all sat down after the dinner, and as usual, my grandmother starts the topic.

The usual stuff-,"Ching, eat less, you know, exercise more, dont eat too much ah"(in Cantonese) Then she'll go on to compare this and that relatives of similair age as me. This time, instead of foolishly nodding my head when i'm actually not hearing, i pretended to not hear at all and dug my head into the book i brought along. I knew it was for my own good that she's saying this. But i can stand it no longer.

"Ching, Mama(grandma in cantonese) talking to you, dont be rude!"My dad said.

"Cant hear." was what i replied.

Thankfully, my aunt got my message intervened to stop my grandmother from continuing. I appreciate that, i loves my aunts too. Aunts who dont come around pinching me and asking me to lose weight. Aunts who accepted me as who i am as i grow up and give crucial advice only when they know i need them. Aunts who have seen me shed tears like a baby when my dad scolds me. Aunts whose cosmetics were meddled by me when i was a little kid attempting to get into the adult world.

I mind all these stuff...so please people, dont mention it in front of me. I dont care if anyone gossips behind me of my size, just dont, i repeat, never, let it get to my ears. I would rather be deceived. I know this is an undeniable truth that i am trapped in this flabby body. It's hard to fly away, but at least i'm trying. When i get tired of trying, i would give up and pamper myself, sometimes too much. That's when i need a helping hand, stop me from indulging in unhealthy stuff.

I'm not like complaining or whatever here. Not that i wana confront any issue, not that i wan anything to happen or whatever. It is just that there are a lot of norms in our society which are totally against voluptuous people. See, isnt 'voluptuous' a much better word than 'fat'?

Msg: This entry is subjected to be an read-only document. Read, and forget. It does not pin-point or point any fingers. Just saying what i wana say....;)

Til Then Folks....