tired..

tired from a long day in sch and from tt thing...u all shld noe...

fridays r so tiring...its like everything's crammed in a day..tutorials after lectures n lectures after tutorials..how tired can it be... but i guess i gotta get use to it soon...within like 1 or 2 more weeks, our 1st CAs r coming...gotta really work hard for tt...n my resolution for tis sem is to be punctual for classes n try to be more hardworking...geez...i'm always late..n sometimes it's not cuz of my absence tt i'm marked absent but cuz of my lateness...so wasted...

another thing's the one tt i really cant stand much more...i dunno how i got thru my 1st yr wif tt...n i cant stand it any longer...it's been so disturbing...cant it juz leave me alone?...gonna scream at it some day, mayb i would juz lose my temper n go crazy or i'll juz lose my mind n shoot off wat i really feel..i might, but i suppose i wun...i normally would make things go thru my mind, tink whether it's appropriate, den words come out from my mouth..of course, there r certain times when my brains take a rest n my mouth takes charge...i wouldnt noe wat i would be doing then..tts when i would be doing crazy things..the diff side of me...the other side of my split personality...

i tink i have a split personality...i can juz shut my mouth all the time or talk rubbish all day...its depends on the environment n surroundings...when i'm wif chattery frens, i would juz play the role of laughing...cuz it's quite difficult to intervene...in the past, i would try my best to participate in watever topic..almost shouting n expressing my views...now, i would juz laugh along n not intervene, unless i'm quite sure there's space for me to talk...

mayb i speak too softly...still rem there was once where i was buying tis 'kueh', n i told the auntie i wanted the rice kueh...she struggled to hear wat i wanted...n i struggled to tell her wat i wanted...when finally she heard my ,"auntie, i wan tt rice kueh" ,she replied with," Aiyo, so big size but voice so small"...i felt quite hurt then...but put it off since i have been hearing tis kind of comments for decades....pple, i really appreciate it tt u dun tease me for my size..well, mayb at least not in front of me...i can tell u i cant take it..once,i even told my grandpa off for lamenting on n on for decades...i noe he's joking, but i seriously cant take it...even now as i'm typing...i feel like crying as the scenes from the past flash across my eyes..i might always be smiling, creating a always-smiling hsuehching....but i'm not always tt happy...i tend to be v emotional..i tend to cry over little things...den after crying, i would feel so silly...tinking wat was i tinking...

i'm not sure whether i'm right here...but it seems tt every scorpion shows pple the different side of themselves n keep the actual side of ourselves under the mask...ok, at least i do...geez..nitez..