Life is a mystery
You never know what will charge at you the next moment.
Someone whom you thought is your friend might kill you the next moment.
Something which you think was safe might bite you the next moment.
Somewhere which you think was safe might prove you wrong the next moment.
Sometimes when you think everything's moving smoothly, someone, something somewhere might just kill that thought the next moment.
Dad asked me this question during dinner, "How long do you think this friendship would last?"
I put everything aside and thought for a few moments and I couldn't put a definite answer to it. The commitment, the heart, the thoughts, and the feelings all matters. Life is so unpredictable, no one knows what's going to happen the next second.
A friend once said that he/she would clear his/her contact lists every now and then. Someday, my name would go through the "Delete Contact" fate too.
As I learn of the harshness and cruelty of the real world, the world seems a disgusting place to be in. Despite the warmth surrounding us which we conveniently forget about from time to time, the world is a sickening place. Without these minimal warmth, the world should just crash.
I get scared. The media never fails to throw us tons of dramas where people scheme against each other. Real or reel? This current show I'm watching about palace life depicts two seemingly close sworn sisters scheming against each other to get to being the top concubines. On the surface they interact just like blood-sisters, while behind their backs, one is harming the other and vice versa. Palace life has expanded from the palace to modern day society. I guess the animal instinct jumps out at you when you're at a lost. "Kill whatever stops you from getting what you want"
I thought the person was a good person, but the person proves me wrong and shows me the evil side.
I thought i could rely on the person, but the person proved unreliable.
I thought i could believe in myself, but I prove myself wrong.
I thought things were going smoothly, but i'm wrong.
I thought everything was great, but I was wrong.
I thought it didn't matter, but i was wrong.
I thought the world is simply beautiful, but i was wrong, the evil within does not reveal itself unnecessarily.
I tend to judge people over a period of time. My judgement fails me at times, that's where the sad part comes in. There's a reason why I warm up to a person that slow, because i feel the need to understand, or at least get an understanding of how the person operates before the facde is taken now gradually. I can't bear my heart without an armour, for i know some pirate will stab their swords mercilessly when i'm not careful.
"You've to be careful about everything," isn't life tiring?
My Dad says there's a significant change in the way i speak and behave. He says i've become arrogant. I insisted that's the way the youths communicate and behave now. He replied saying his colleagues who are a mere 5 years older than I am don't speak that way. But I insisted it's surprising that the behaviour and lingos differ from year to year.
The world changes every second, so does humans.
Why make other's life difficult when you don't want yours to be made difficult by others? SELFISHness kicks in. Everyone is selfish. No one can declare themselves free from this. I'm selfish at times, or rather most of the times, i won't deny because it's a fact, nothing but the truth. We all want the best for ourselves and our loved ones. "Who cares about others".
If you think in a negative way, nothing on earth is worth the chance to live. Thoughts of suicide floats pasts one's mind. Various reasons pull the thought away.
I used to think suicide is but a foolish act which only brings pain and sufferings to the living who loves you. Now it seems like a brave act, though still selfish and foolish nonetheless when some others are fighting so hard jusy to keep their lives.
I am glad and thankful for who I am and what i have now.
My Dad hates people to tell him what to do, so do I.
"Press that button for water."
"Ok"
"Understand?"
"Yes"
"You really get it?"
"Yes"
"Are you sure you can do it?"
"YES! (Yes yes yes, i told you yes. Do you think i'm a plain idiot or do you think i'm dumb? When i say i understand, it means i do. If i don't i'll ask. Enough is enough. I live through my education for a reason.)
Perhaps this is a sudden outburst, a fleeting thought, or a built-up. I don't wish to care that much.
Life is tiring.
Life is a struggle.
Life can be beautiful.
Life can be ugly.
Life can be improved.
Life is pre-determined.
Life is what you think.
Life is all about going through birth, aging, illness, and death.
When you've walked to the last step, you'll enter a wooden bed just enough to fit your shoulders in and rest in there til your body decomposses.
Life is such. I'm gonna make my life better. Suicide will never be an option. Since Life's such, i shall make it good.
It will be good. In 60 years time, i'll sit in my rocking chair with my husband and dog by the fireplace, sewing jackets for my grandchildren and thinking of the young and sweet times. Great music drifts through the room as we sip our coffee, looking out at the green pastures occassionally. Our grandchildren running around with the puppies and goats. I'll invite my dearest confidents everyday just to have high tea and gossip and bitch about even at our age. Life will be excellent. It will.
Life will never get me down. I'll pat the dust away when i fall and rise to my feet in the shortest possible time.
I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. Somehwere in the middle, somewhere at the crossroad, faced with the harsh reality, the cruel society, but i will survive.
You never know what a female scorpion might do.
Til then folks... Tomorrow should be a better day, that's what hopefuls say all the time. I wish for everyday to be a better day too. Cheers to endless better days!
